And then I stayed up super late

Have you ever had those surreal moments where you don't feel quite like yourself - where you look at yourself and think, "Wait. This is me? Seriously? This is who I am?"

I used to have those moments all the time as a little kid when I was about 7 or 8. Then they went away for a while and I had it again at 11. And then they only came rarely and sporadically.

It happened again tonight, when I was driving home from dropping off my old roommate at her apartment. The moon was huge and I wasn't ready to go home yet. I wanted to take full advantage of the fact that I was up remarkably late without feeling the consequences. That is the joy of 21. Being young enough to do stupid things like chase the moon at 1:30 A.M. I drove on University Parkway, chasing a falling moon, until I realized that it was too late: the moon was sunk.

I turned the car around and drove home. As I approached state street and began to turn left, I looked at my hands. I had been singing along with the radio "I just haven't met you yet" and my voice was hoarse and raspy. I examined my voice, listening to me sing along with Michael Buble and thought, "Huh. So this is me. Hmmm. This is me?" I turned left and tried to keep a grip on my identity.

Now I feel normal. Ish. I mean, I'm still up late. It's past 2:30 and I seriously need some sleep. I don't know if that moment came as a result of sleep-deprivation (probably) or just me realizing I'm not as good of a singer as I like to think I am. Maybe it came from being back in Utah for a full week and trying to adjust to that life again and missing the place that I was just starting to call home. Maybe it's dehydration. Maybe I'm born with it. Maybe it's Maybelline.

Hmmm. It's always an unusual experience. I'm just sitting there, unable to comprehend the fact that I'm alive, living the life I've got and that I am who I am. As for now, I'll get some sleep.