Yeah, you. The person who doesn't slow down while I'm waiting to cross the street. Yes, that's you. The one in the small Camry. It's okay, you can come out. I see you pretending you don't see me. Is it all right if I remind you of something?
YOU ARE IN A CAR.
Chances are, you'll be getting to your destination 10 times faster than I am, and that includes waiting for lights and other pedestrians like me crossing the streets.
You're in your cushy car. A warm car. I'm walking in snow. Or you're in an air-conditioned car while I'm sweatier than a yak in the Sahara.
Yes, slow drivers are frustrating and are equivalent to that jerk in your class who, in his nasally voice, reminded the teacher to give out homework. Yes, there are idiot pedestrians completely oblivious to the rest of the world. Yes, those bicyclists are obnoxious and frightening. Plus, they wear spandex.
I should know. I've been all three, minus the spandex. We all think we're right.
Look, you're probably miserable. After all, you inherited your car from a smoker and some clown welded hubcaps to the ceiling. The air conditioner's broken and the heat is permanently on. Your window rolls down only halfway. A tree branch fell on your side view mirror and broke it off. You ran out of money AND windshield wiper fluid the same day a bird pooped right in your line of vision. Your sister keeps singing off-key. Loudly. So you turn on the radio. All the songs on the radio suck. Someone steals your radio while you're stranded at a red light. (How did they do that, anyway?) Your stupid brother farted. You try to stick your head out of the half window to breathe. But then you hit a cat. It was your boss's cat. You crash into your boss. You lose your job for killing your boss and his cat. You run out of gas. Your brother doesn't. Your sister thinks the best way to cope is to sing. Oh, and you're twenty miles from home.
But honestly, I don't think it would hurt anyone - literally - if you slowed down in the morning when I need to cross. And keep your eye out for bicyclists, because I'm one of 'em, too. I'll stop for you if you stop for me.
Oh, and you should probably wash your car. The dead cat stuck on the front of your car is starting to smell.
Photo courtesy from this guy. Hideous car courtesy Italy.
4 comments:
Remember that one time we were driving to Zion and that one guy waved me to SLOW DOWN? or that person who was going a trillion times slower than us in front of us...
Good thing the heat and the air conditioner and the window wipers worked.
But this goes both ways: bicyclists go five miles an hour and think they're going fast enough to ride with traffic. Pedestrians just step right into the road without care or concern for the quality of the brakes of the car that's nearly on top of them already, trusting that I'm aware enough of their black outfit to make it out in the dark.
Our Camry isn't that small. And I didn't pick you up because I didn't want to be seen with you. And I didn't have time, either.
bahahahahahahaha! I lauf you.
Yeah. Those car drivers...
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